Comments on: The Brownie Test: Kids Sometimes Surprise You

By: Heath

Heath — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 14:22:58 +0000

I think the idea of kids understanding portions by need and not considering the adults as peers makes a lot of sense. I wonder if they are accostumed to the adults getting larger portions because that is what usually happens at every meal. I remember being amazed at the size of the portions my dad ate when I was young. On the other hand dividing treats was a big deal between my sister and me, usually resolved by the “I cut you choose” rule.

By: Mark Magda

Mark Magda — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 12:05:18 +0000

I believe you may have noticed a much different result if the childrens’ portions were different. The primal competition and establishment of the pecking order would have occurred and more visual display of dissatisfaction and jealousy would have taken place.

Of course none of us would intentionally subject our children or grandchildren to such a test.

By: Vinaya Pai

Vinaya Pai — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 04:38:07 +0000

Hi Walt,
Enjoyed reading about your experiment. I have always found it interesting that adults equate ‘fairness’ to ‘equal’ and children rarely do – unless there is an adult around.
I remember once that some children landed up at our place without notice and I was in a fix about how I would cater to them as I had a little of this, a little of that and some more of the other – no single item would be sufficient on its own. I braced myself for some arguments when tea time came and was surprised when there was none. What happened was that there was some discussion and they shared out whatever was there quite amicably. I discovered later that they had shared it out according to the need and not according to the size.
So I guess if children are taught the concept of being ‘fair’ to others, then they are not plagued by the need for ‘equality’ as a basis of ‘fairness’ for judging what they have got as their share in any situation.

By: Brandon

Brandon — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 01:57:58 +0000

Perhaps the children didn’t protest because they’ve already been “programmed” to accept the disparity inherent in our society. Even at a young age, children can understand that some people get more than others – food, money, opportunity, etc.

By: Anne Coppens

Anne Coppens — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 18:58:02 +0000

I’ve read your story about the brownies and it made my day!

Two months ago, I’ve been laid off due to restructuring within GE Capital. I’ve worked hard for 4 years and my evaluations always mentioned: “Exceeds expectations”.

I’ve immediately found another job, but since that day, I’ve been asking myself how “fair” this was. Your post made me change my mind about these negative thoughts.

Thanks!

By: Patti

Patti — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 16:51:03 +0000

During my early years as a CSR, I was paired with a much older woman who taught me volumes about so many things. One of her favorite responses was “fair is a word for children.”

Thanks for this, it brought a smile to my face thinking about her.

By: Larry

Larry — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 16:26:03 +0000

It is how you have raised your children and grandchildren.
They sometimes get out of hand and complain but they do respect their parents and grandparents.

By: Jaleta Clegg

Jaleta Clegg — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 16:09:40 +0000

From watching my kids, a small brownie is better than none at all.

A more interesting test is to find a mediocre treat (like cheap animal crackers) and a decadent, luscious treat (like homemade brownies). Serve the cheap treat, and very small portions, to the kids, and large portions of the other to the adults. Watch the reaction then, especially from older children and teenagers.

My 16yo daughter complained the other day that is was unfair that I got the van whenever I wanted but she never got to have it. She wasn’t willing to listen to my reasons. 1- I own the vehicle. It’s mine, therefore I control who drives it when. 2- I need it for work and driving her siblings everywhere (she has 7). 3- It’s a 15 passenger van, it’s HUGE, and despite her confidence in herself, she isn’t experienced or very careful driving. 4- Teenage driver and large vehicle full of friends equals accident and someone gets hurt. Was I unfair to deny her driving privileges in our van? I don’t think so. Her older sister (5 years older) is allowed to drive because she rarely asks and she’s much more mature and capable.

Who determines what is fair and what is not? It depends on the situation and your perspective.

By: Kelly Quiroz

Kelly Quiroz — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:57:31 +0000

I think you make an excellent point, Walt, when you say, “Is the lesson in our reaction to events over which we clearly have no control?” All of us will be “victims” at some point of “unfair” conditions that are beyond our control. The real test is in how we respond to those situations. Do we follow the example of the Savior and accept all things with patience and humility, knowing that He is the ultimate arbiter of justice? Or do we allow our sense of fairness to provoke us to outrage and unrighteous anger?

I am reminded of a film my son and I watched on Sunday night. It was an LDS movie about missionaries in Pennsylvania (”One Man’s Treasure”). In one scene, a heckler drives by and throws a cup of soda at one of the missionaries and yells something nasty. The missionary brushes himself off and calmly announces that he needs to go change his shirt. His companion can’t believe that he has taken this abuse so calmly. “Why aren’t you angry?” he demands. “Because I choose not to be,” replies the first Elder.

Anger is not the proper response to unfairness. This is a lesson we learned from the Savior, and from others who fought righteously against injustice, like Ghandi and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and the Prophet Joseph Smith and the early Saints. The Lord has promised that those who inflict injustice on others will receive their reward, either in this life or the next. But it is so difficult to leave that judgment to Him. It is so easy to respond to our inner sense of justice and fairness with outrage when we feel slighted. It is much harder to take the higher road; to endure all things “cheerfully and with patience” as did the people of Alma. But if we would be like the Savior, this is what we will -choose- to do. Being slow to anger is a choice. It is the right choice. Your grandchildren seem to have learned this lesson already. It would be wonderful if more of us were like them.

By: Robert

Robert — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:42:33 +0000

Walt:
I live just a few miles from you…you didn’t invite ME over for brownies. IT’S NOT FAIR!!!!