When the grandchildren are small and birthdays or holidays roll around, Grandma (and it usually is Grandma) makes sure the little ones get something – usually clothes or a toy. And tucked in with the gift itself there’s almost a card and a note expressing love.
As the grandkids get older and family gets spread out more, what Grandma gives usually changes. She can’t keep track of clothing sizes (or styles) and so she sends something else – a check. But even if the gift changes, the card and note expressing love do not. And those gifts often continue long after the grandchildren are no longer children.
Now fast forward a few years. Grandma and Grandpa are not going to live forever. There will come a birthday or holiday that will be the first without grandparents. When that happens, will the granddaughter sense something different in her life? Will the grandson notice something missing? Of course they will. They’ve been getting the love letter (and check) every year as long as they can remember. This time, as they celebrate a birthday or other holiday, it’s not there.
Grandparents are more involved in the lives of their grandchildren than ever before. And they feel a greater responsibility to provide the advice and activities. There are even websites just to help them be better grandparents – places like Grandparents.com and GrandpaTellMe.com. How do think Grandma and Grandpa are going to feel when they’re told the day will come when the grandchildren won’t get a check and love letter anymore? (Grandpa will probably roll his eyes, but Grandma will probably get a tear in the corner of her eye.)
But there is a way to make sure the checks keep coming. Grandpa will roll his eyes again. Grandma will jump across the table to find out more. The key is doing some planning. It won’t happen by itself.
It starts by Grandma and Grandpa making sure there’s a pot of money so the checks continue even after they die. The size of the check isn’t important. What’s important is that Grandma and Grandpa made sure the grandkids know they are remembered. The money needed can come from setting aside cash or from life insurance. Life insurance policies now provide a death benefit no matter how long Grandma or Grandpa live; cash value isn’t important here but guarantees of lifetime protection are.
Grandma and Grandpa are lucky that some states have changed their laws in recent years to allow trusts to continue generation after generation. By creating such a trust and having that trust own the policy, they get a double benefit. They can keep the insurance money out of their estate for estate tax purposes (if that’s important to them) and they can make sure the checks and letters keep going out. (Of course, they’ll want to consult with their legal and tax advisers to make sure this idea works well for them.)
The trust – even if family members have to manage it – can take care of making sure the checks are sent. But what about those letters? They’re what are important, especially to Grandma.
Imagine how she will feel as she sits and writes a personal letter to each grandchild – and maybe even grandchildren not yet born. Each starts off with something like this. “Dear Johnny. This is your first birthday (or Christmas or whatever) since my death. I’ve always sent you a letter telling you how much I love you. I want you to know my love hasn’t changed a bit just because I won’t be around to personally send you a note. I still love you and am thinking of you.” Maybe she’ll write more. Maybe she won’t. But whether she does or whether she doesn’t, what is that grandchild going to feel when they get that letter?
Some grandparents may want to take this idea a step further. In an AARP study some years ago, most grandparents said one of their greatest responsibilities is to have fun with the grandkids. Now imagine a grand family reunion. It might be at a favorite park. But it could also be at a resort or even on board a cruise ship. Grandma and Grandpa have made sure that everyone is able to come who wants to be there – especially the grandkids. Maybe they’ll even invite the parents if they promise to behave themselves.
During the several days they’re together, the family makes a videotape showing all the fun everyone is having. At the end of the reunion, Grandpa stands up to announce that because he and Grandma feel so strongly about having these family events, they’ve decided to have more in the future. It’s not important if it’s every year or every other year or even every five years. What’s important is that they get together. He announces that Grandma and he (it’s his idea, of course) have made plans so that after they die, there will be money to make sure the family will continue to be able to gather to strengthen their ties – and to toast Grandma and Grandpa who had the foresight to set things up so it could happen!
What’s it going to be like at one of those future reunions – maybe the first without Grandma and Grandpa? What are the emotions going to be like when they cart out the DVD player (or whatever replaces DVDs in the future) and show not only the video of that first reunion but maybe video of Grandma and Grandpa sharing family stories – and passing on wisdom and advice to future generations?
What’s the secret of making it happen? Grandparents who love their grandkids. That’s the start. If there’s money to make sure the grandkids can keep getting checks – even checks for just a few dollars – that’s wonderful. If there is cash enough to do it, that’s great. But even if the checks can’t continue, it’s not all that hard to make sure the love letters do or to make sure that family history and family stories are kept alive for future generations. What a legacy that can provide to grandchildren!
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